sick

For close to 2 weeks I have been taken a hold by this unrelenting cold/flu that’s been going around, which is by no means an excuse for my neglect or an explanation for my absence. I can only say that I admit ashamedly that life got the better of me. It was only with the aid of this cold/flu that has helped me catch up however. I haven’t been this sick in years (the last cold I had was in June and it lasted for 3 days). I was so sick that I spent days in bed, isolated, too sick to be distracted. I was on lockdown, only left with myself. I hadn’t realized until that point how much I had been avoiding my thoughts and their correlating emotions about success, moving, post-collegiate life, work, my non-financial independence and everything else. I had been downright unwilling. I didn’t want to concede to my thoughts because that somehow felt like a failing in itself. At worst it could signify that I was losing hope. However, the amazing thing about being sick was that it allowed me to feel miserable to any necessary degree. It fostered my emotions, moving with me, and, everything that I'd been feeling for the past few months came to an apex. I started to think of all the things that had been going through my mind and it was almost like a systemic coming to terms. The cold/flu finally let up after the eighth day and I started to feel better, the sun started shining in Seattle and I felt reinvigorated. There was a resurgence of productivity and, maybe, hope.